Why I don’t want to be busy anymore

Lately, I have been on a kick to find and have friends. I look around the CrossFit gym and I hear girls making plans with each other to go out on the weekend. I have not been invited. I am seriously okay with it. I understand that I am older (although 38 is still relatively young) than the girls making the plans. The fact that I am not Mormon and am a Christian does not help either. It is like I do not fit in. People in Utah do not know where to categorize me. I am Christian. I do go to church regularly, attend Bible studies and am not afraid of praying in public. But I also love a glass of wine every now and then and I do have a sailor’s mouth. That being said, I can not blame my lack of friends on religion. I accept responsibility for it.

So I have decided I want friends. I have plenty of acquitances, but only a handful of ladies that I would call friends.

I attribute the fact that I am lacking in friends to always being busy. I thought, if I organize parties or church events, I will make friends. I will need ladies to help plan, organize and execute the event, thus friedships will ensue. If I have a party and invite, people they will become my friend. Well, I have been trying this for years and still not many friends. I have been trying to be so busy in hopes that it would gain me friends.

I do think in today’s technology filled world, it is harder to make face to face friends. I mean, why do people need to see, touch and converse with a real live person when they have one thousand plus Facebook friends and/or Instagram followers? I still enjoy and require girl time. You know the type of girlfriends that just get you. They know by one look that your husband messed up and is int he dog house. That one friend that will really lend a shoulder to cry on and will offer up a hug when you need it.

God has been revealing to me lately that in order to have friends, I need to be one.

First, I need to listen. This is an area where I am horrible. (I am going to place blame on my mom for this one.) I have always felt that if I ask a person questions, they will think I am intruding on their lives or trying to be nosy. I have since realized that most people love talking about themselves. So I have to change my thoughts to: I am not being nosy, but am trying to get to know that person.

Second, I need to SLOW DOWN. I need to give the person I am with 100% of my attention. I need to make them feel like they are the only person in the room. Checking my phone can wait. Turning to make small talk with someone else can wait. Looking around to make sure I am not missing anything fun can wait.

Third, I need to rememer that life is not all about me. If someone is mad or upset, chances are it has nothing to do with me.