New Year’s resolutions

I wouldn’t say that I hate making New Year’s resolutions. I actually really like the start of a new year. Kinda like the start of a new school year. Brand new clothes, new pencils, new notebooks, all fresh, and not written in and erased and wrinkled. I like fresh starts and new perspectives. The thing I don’t like is the failure. Setting resolutions or goals and only following them for 4-6 weeks then going back to the old habits. I recently read the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. It was a very fascinating and practical book. This book has even inspired me to re-evaluate my stance on making resolutions. Like now, I am actually willing to try making some and sticking with them. 

So now, what resolutions would I make? To first answer this, I need to look at myself and my life and see where I would like to improve.

Number one is my marriage: I am not very patient, kind, empathetic or loving at times. (No, really I can be downright mean, ugly and hateful. Sometimes it amazes me that my husband puts up with me and sticks around. Part of me thinks it is because we started and own a business together and he is afraid if we divorced I would get half of it. I guess he might have more of a fear of getting a divorce verses going out of town and being gone more than he is at home). The Power of Habit book in the appendix says there is a loop at the core of every habit:Cue, Routine, and reward. When Jay aggravates, does or says things that make me mad (cue), I respond with anger, sarcasm,harsh words and bad attitude with little humor (routine) and then I feel in control, big, strong, and not put down (reward).  This is the first step to creating new habits. The second step is to experiment with rewards. I could change my reward to understanding my husband, laughing and having a light spirit about myself, realizing and committing to mutual control and respect. Step three is to isolate the cue. This is a little harder for me because it seems like so many things get under my skin and piss me off. The author states “experiments have shown that almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories:location, time, emotional state,other people,and immediately preceding action”. With that information, I tend to get annoyed more when we are at home and it is either early morning or around dinner time; I am usually tired, fixing dinner, picking kid up from practice and feeling stressed; when Savannah is around I feel the cue more, and finally the preceding action is Jay just being there. Step four is to have a plan. “When I see CUE, I will do ROUTINE in order to get a REWARD”.  When Jay comes home from work and complains that I bought the lime chips instead of the regular or I didn’t measure out exactly one pound of meat for tacos, I will take 5 deep breaths and smile and give him a hug or make a joke in order for him to feel respected and my stress level to decrease and to have a fun, upbeat family.

Wow, that was pretty enlightening to put it all out there into words and into space. Exhausting but I feel good. I have a plan and a goal. I would LOVE to do this with my parenting, friendships, business and communication. Just not tonight !!

Lessons learned from my kitchen remodel

Every year since starting our business,  we tear up, tear down and rebuild a room in our house.  Our home isn’t old per se, it was built in 2001 but when we bought it in 2008, everything was contractor grade. It had awful, short,ugly brown carpet throughout  (and still does in the upstairs ) and don’t get me started on the pine colored kitchen cabinets with the cheapest of the cheap light color $.39 a foot wood laminate. Last year we remodeled the front room and loving room and this year my hubby wanted to tackle the kitchen.  After months of my reluctance because I was scared and clueless,  I relented. Now that I have a functional kitchen again after 8 weeks,  I could not be happier. Here is a before shot with our contractor grade, blah cabinets and awful, cheap $.39 a foot laminate flooring. 

We had a couple of individual cabinet companies come give us bids,  but they just specialized in cabinets and I needed way more help than that.  We wanted new floor, lighting, appliances, paint and fixtures.  I went into our local Lowe’s and saw they had a kitchen designer who would come to your home and measure your room and help you design it.  After calling and leaving 3 messages and never getting a return call,  I decided to hit up Home Depot.  I am not getting paid or any kick back for saying this,  but the local Home Depot and the experience was amazing.  I would highly recommend them to anyone looking to remodel. That,  however is not my intent on writing tonight.

On to the lessons learned. One,  everything does not have to be perfect all the time.  I hate clutter and mess stresses me.  Being without any running water or plumbing on our main level meant coffee pot, coffee mug and electric skillet being left on the stairs landing to be carried upstairs to wash out in my bathtub. Did I mention that Jay thought since we were having tile put in the kitchen,  we should have the same tile put in the downstairs half bath?  Which meant the toilet and sink had to be ripped up.  So I’d put the essential dishes on the stairs to be washed but often would not get around to washing them till late at night.  I just had to remind myself often that there are worse things to be stressed over than a few dishes.

Second, I adore Jay and all his handyman skills, but he often has different priorities then I do.  I would see all the “pretty stuff” that needs to be done and I would be pushing for him to do them. He would see the necessary work and the things that need to be done before you can complete the next step. I am so glad he is an attention to detail person as I tend to be a big picture person. There still is finishing touches that need to be completed but at this rate, they will have to wait until after New Year’s.

Third, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought living without running water and a toilet on our main level. It took about a week to get used to coming in from running errands and having to go pee just to realize I had to haul butt up the stairs to do that.  I wasn’t tied to washing that one single dish that was in the sink just because I could or because it was bothering me that it was in there. I learned to overlook the dishes and clutter, which meant a lot less stress for me.

Finally, I really do like cooking and missed it when I couldn’t.  Granted Smith’s grocery down the street had some really good, already prepared food that all we had to do was heat up in the microwave.

Here are our after pictures

Let’s just pray that I can remember these lessons learned and keep applying them.

Is it bad to snoop on my child

I haven’t been on here writing anything personal for a while. Not because I haven’t had anything to write about. Quite the opposite. There has been so much going on that I have been too busy. However, lately, I feel like I should be writing, sorting through life outloud and getting it all off my chest.

Mother Catches Daughter Using Phone When Meant To Be Studying

Yesterday, my 10 year old daughter, Savannah left her gmail open. Like any good mom, I had to look. I guess I didn’t have to, but in mind I am justified because I am her mom and I have a right to know what she is up to. I am not always a warm, fuzzy, milk and cookies type of parent so I figure she doesn’t tell me a lot. Which is a lesson that I have learned from this. More about that later.

My sweet, innocent, naive little girl has been decieving me. She is still sweet, but not so innocent. She has been stringing two boys on for a few months now. I am not stupid and I know she has had crushes on boys for a few months, but this is “I like him, but I like you more so don’t tell the first boy”. This has created friction between the two boys because they are best friends and between her and a girlfriend who also likes the same boys.  It was a great opportunity for me to teach her the lesson of friends before boys. I am sure I will have to be reteaching that lesson numerous times in the future, but at least she has heard it once.

My other huge learning lesson for me was to be more involved in my daughter’s life. We spend time together, but I have been evaluating whether that time is quality and meanigful. Turns out, it is neither. I learned that I need to really talk and listen, and ask deep probing questions sometimes. I always thought that if she wanted to and needed to talk, she would seek me out,however, she is 10 and doesn’t know what she wants or needs. My job as the mom is to ask about her life, friends, feelings and dreams. I can’t bond with my child if I am distracted by the t.v. or my phone. Those objects belong off and in a different room if I am trying to know my daughter’s heart. It also helps if I tell her my crushes and experiences as a girl to let her see that I am human and so so faulty.

Silence is golden. I have difficulty sitting in silence by myself doing nothing. Left with my thoughts and idle hands is very challenging for me. In the midst of silence and absence of entertainment, maybe Savannah will open up to me. When she can’t avoid me with a book,TV or electronics, maybe she will start talking and I will have enough sense to just sit there and be quiet and listen. The books and experts I have read, tell me this is true so I will have to trust them and try it.

Do I feel bad for snooping on my child and reading her email? NOPE ! Not at all. I am glad I did it and I would and do still spy on her. In my opinion, it makes me a better mom. I have learned how I need to be a better mom and why communication in this digital age is imperative. This has opened opportunities for me to grow and although change is difficult, it is very necessary.

Why I don’t want to be busy anymore

Lately, I have been on a kick to find and have friends. I look around the CrossFit gym and I hear girls making plans with each other to go out on the weekend. I have not been invited. I am seriously okay with it. I understand that I am older (although 38 is still relatively young) than the girls making the plans. The fact that I am not Mormon and am a Christian does not help either. It is like I do not fit in. People in Utah do not know where to categorize me. I am Christian. I do go to church regularly, attend Bible studies and am not afraid of praying in public. But I also love a glass of wine every now and then and I do have a sailor’s mouth. That being said, I can not blame my lack of friends on religion. I accept responsibility for it.

So I have decided I want friends. I have plenty of acquitances, but only a handful of ladies that I would call friends.

I attribute the fact that I am lacking in friends to always being busy. I thought, if I organize parties or church events, I will make friends. I will need ladies to help plan, organize and execute the event, thus friedships will ensue. If I have a party and invite, people they will become my friend. Well, I have been trying this for years and still not many friends. I have been trying to be so busy in hopes that it would gain me friends.

I do think in today’s technology filled world, it is harder to make face to face friends. I mean, why do people need to see, touch and converse with a real live person when they have one thousand plus Facebook friends and/or Instagram followers? I still enjoy and require girl time. You know the type of girlfriends that just get you. They know by one look that your husband messed up and is int he dog house. That one friend that will really lend a shoulder to cry on and will offer up a hug when you need it.

God has been revealing to me lately that in order to have friends, I need to be one.

First, I need to listen. This is an area where I am horrible. (I am going to place blame on my mom for this one.) I have always felt that if I ask a person questions, they will think I am intruding on their lives or trying to be nosy. I have since realized that most people love talking about themselves. So I have to change my thoughts to: I am not being nosy, but am trying to get to know that person.

Second, I need to SLOW DOWN. I need to give the person I am with 100% of my attention. I need to make them feel like they are the only person in the room. Checking my phone can wait. Turning to make small talk with someone else can wait. Looking around to make sure I am not missing anything fun can wait.

Third, I need to rememer that life is not all about me. If someone is mad or upset, chances are it has nothing to do with me.

San Diego 2014

I have never been to San Diego. Now that I have, I must say……I am in love. The place was so awesome. The beaches with white sand and the clear water was so gorgeous. I grew up in Houston with the Gulf of Mexico to look at and swim in, so for me San Diego was heavenly.

A friend that lives in California recommended Coronado Island.  We took a long bridge to get to the small, fun island. It was not as touristy as Hermosa beach or the beaches closer to LA.  The water was a bit on the cooler side at 65 degrees, but that did not stop Savannah and Jay from being in it.  It was a sight to see the Navy ships anchored way off in the waters and to watch the Navy helicopters fly overhead.  After nearly 5 hours of being on the beach, we decided to drive around and find a place to eat. _______ Rd that runs beside the beach had so many cute, unique stores and resturants.  There were  no fast food places cluttering up the area.  Most of the eating establishments were mom and pop places.  We decided on a Mexican place that had some kick ass margaritas. Even though I did not care for the twist they put on their fajitas (they served them with a spicy gravy sauce instead of sizzling on a skillet), it was the best Mexican food I have had in quite a while.

CenterPoint church Women’s ministry Spring Event

I cannot believe after nearly 3 months of planning, the Women’s ministry spring event is here.

I feel so blessed to be a part of something so huge. It has been an amazing ride. Back in February, I received a flyer on my door advertising the LDS church’s ladies day. Well I am not LDS, but I felt I could use their info. After meeting with my pastor and running the idea by him, the wheels were set in motion. The idea was to have one day with classes and lunch. It started off as an all day thing, but after not having enough speakers and dreaming too big, we decided to scale back and do a 4 hour event. I had a committee of 4 ladies. We came up with topics and presenters. We would have all 4 classes running at once and ladies would rotate through 3 classes. All the classes would be simultaneous, with the same material and the same presenter. At the beginning of the day, the ladies were given a rundown of how the day was going to go and where each class was. They were given 5 minutes to look at the schedule of the day with the class names and a brief description and to decide which classes they were interested in. We incorporated 15 breaks between classes to allow for bathroom, cell phone, checking on kids and getting a drink. After 3 hours, we met back in the gym to eat lunch and hear a message on priorities given by yours truly. Lunch was very simple. Costco sandwiches. chips, cookies and water and tea. It cost me $250 to feed 50 ladies. We did offer childcare to those moms who needed it. A few of the teenage girls are awesome and volunteered their Saturday and watched the kiddos. We fed the teens and kids Little Cesar’s pizza.

The classes were as follows:

Not so perfect parenting

Say Cheese (a lesson in photography)

Nourishing God’s temple (fitness and nutrition)

Feed my sheep ( cooking demo)

Enduring through hard times

We only had 45 ladies show up, which had me bummed at the beginning of the day. but God had bigger plans. The ladies He brought to the event were able to bond and fellowship with one another since it was a small crowd. As noted before I had to give a talk and I am not a public speaker, but only having a handful of ladies (most of which I knew pretty well) made me less nervous and more fluid at giving my talk.

Overall the event was a success and a hit. If asked, I would organize another one in a heartbeat. But I am not going to volunteer it 🙂

 

DisneyWorld on Whole 30

At the start of June, I made a pact with a friend from CrossFit. We both decided we were eating unhealthy foods and too much of it. So we decided we would do the Whole 30 challenge together. I have done Whole 30 before. It is hard, but it is doable.  After we committed to each other and the diet, I realized my family was going to Disney World in the month of June. Uh oh…..

So for anyone who does not know what the Whole 30 diet is, let me elaborate. It is one month of pure hell. Okay, it really isn’t that bad. However, it is one month of no carbs (breads, rice, pasta), dairy, sweets (artificial or real), or beans. You can eat as much meat and veggies as you want and little fruit.

I am always up for a challenge so I thought “How bad can this be”? Wow-was I in for a surprise. I just thought I would bring protein shakes, bars and nuts and I would be good.

First stop- San Diego. Breakfast was a breeze. Our hotel had a kitchen so our first night there, we ran to the store. I grabbed some eggs, sausage, and fruit. Whole 30- check.  Lunch was not so easy. We were on the beach and swimming in the ocean for 5 hours and decided to grab a bite in town. Driving around, we pass a Mexican restaurant. I am a sucker for good Mexican food and margaritas. ( We have neither of those here in good ol’ Utah). The chips were thick and homemade. The picture of the margarita was calling to me. Yeah so  much for the Whole 30. It just didn’t happen.

Next day was SeaWorld San Diego.  This was easier to handle than Mexican food. SeaWorld has a few good restaurants with healthy options.  Savannah is gluten-free so it makes it easier for me to stay on track with my eating. The one place that offered to help with her gluten-free choices ended up being a flop. The chef said he has a gluten-free pizza that he would be glad to make her, but it would take 15 minutes to bake. No biggie-or so we thought. It came out cold as ice (after being in the oven).  Her and I decided it would be a cheat day. Back into the restaurant we go for hamburgers.  I did take the bun off and got fruit. Dinner was at a barbecue joint in the park. I am sure the barbecue sauce had brown sugar in it, but hey when you are not cooking you can’t control everything. Dinner of beef brisket, ribs and a salad was Whole 30 approved (kind of).

Now on to Disney. Let’s just say it is impossible. Or at least for me, it was impossible. I found that I could stick to eating Paleo pretty well at Disney. There are a ton of places that are Paleo friendly. Burgers minus the buns and fries. Half a chicken with green beans and salads. You can even have hot dogs minus the buns almost anywhere in the park.  I brought in our own snacks consisting of mixed nuts, protein bars and dried fruit.

I think it is all about how happy you want to be and how happy you want your family to be. I could have driven my husband crazy and only eaten at places that are Paleo friendly and Whole 30 approved. That would have subjected him to more walking the around the park scouting out these places.  I chose to eat on the healthier side, but not restrict myself. It made me less grouchy by not being so hungry all the time. It satisfied my husband because I wasn’t spending a ton of money on food and not eating the majority of it. In my opinion, it was only 10 days out of 365 days that I am eating “bad”.

So now that we are back home and I can be in control of  my food, I am attempting the Whole 30 again. This time, I made sure I have no vacation plans.  As for Savannah and eating gluten-free, well ,it ended up being a whole cheat week. It is hard to deprive a 7 year old of chicken nuggets, fries and ice cream cones when all the kids around them are eating them.  A little runny nose and sunken eyes are a small price to pay when you see your child so happy.

More of Savannah’s Frozen party

One week has passed since Savannah’s party and I am so relieved. It was fun panning and hosting, but my poor baby was feeling yucky so her party was not as much as I would have liked.

I do have to say I was pretty proud of myself for the party bags. After all 7 girls plus her Spanish teacher arrived and got settled, we got started on making Olaf bags. I bought white paper sacks, printed off Olaf parts and let the kids color and decorate their bags.  Each bag was different and unique to that child.

After food, cupcakes and ice cream, the girls sat down to watch Frozen. While they watched, I out their goodies in their Olaf bags to take home. I found some blue glitter pencils at the dollar store to put in there. After Christmas at Michael’s Arts and Crafts, I purchased some sticker books with smiley faces, hearts, peace signs and funny sayings for a quarter. It wouldn’t be a girly party without makeup of some sort, so I put blue nail polish in each bag. And the best goody, according to Savannah was the Elsa barretts. I found some baby hair clips and hot glued snowflakes on the barrets.(I have to admit they turned out really cute for this non-creative mom).

Last but not least, Savannah and I created build a snowman bags. We printed the Olaf picture on some cardstock and added “Thanks for coming to my party-From Savannah”.  Then we put 3 large marshmellows, one small marshmellow, two pretzel sticks for arms, and some mini M&M’s for buttons and eyes.

One of my Crossfit coaches had a Frozen party for her daughter the weekend before ours and I saw her pictures on Facebook of the girls and a life size cardboard Elsa and Anna. After I mentioned our party to her, she sold me the stand up Elsa and Anna along with a ‘Pin the carrot nose on Olaf’ game. The game was a hit. The kids had a blast pinning Olaf’s nose on his neck, belly and butt. I intended to take each girl’s picture with the stand up Elsa and Anna, but staying true to 7 year old attention span, they took off for the trampoline and the pictures never got taken. I did manage one group picture.

All in all, the party was a huge hit. I am concerned that I have set the bar too high and next year, I am going to have to really pull something big out.

Savannah’s 7th Frozen Birthday party

Last weekend we celebrated Savannah’s 7th birthday. She fell in love with the Disney Frozen movie the first time we saw it in the theater last November. When her and I started planning her party in January (yes, we did start planning four months in advance) , there was never a question of what the theme would be. After many Sundays of watching football (me) and searching Pintrest (her), we had tons of Frozen ideas. 

I started by clearing a spot in my kitchen in the corner. I went to the Dollar Store and bought 6 plastic tablecloths. (2 tablecloths of three different colors). I chose purple, pink and blue. I opened up 3 tablecloths and laid them on top of each other on the floor. I cut about a quarter of the length off. I didn’t want them hanging all the way to the floor. I cut a straight line within 6 inches of the top. I cut 6 lines then made a knot in all three. I hung them on the wall close to the ceiling. It looked like a super cute drape hanging down. It made a great backdrop for the table and pictures (and covered up my bare white wall that is in dire need of painting.

I went very easy with the paper plates and utensils. I just bought Anna and Elsa plates online and some plain baby blue cups. Since Savannah has to eat gluten free, it was easier to make cupcakes. Which, turned out so good. All the other kids did not know or care that they were eating gluten free chocolate cupcakes (made from Bob;s Red Mill mix). I borrowed a good friend’s cupcake holder and put blue icing with silver sprinkles on the stand. We bought Savannah the small plastic Frozen characters and placed them on the cakestand with the cupcakes. 

Food was rather odd and did not go with the Frozen theme. One of Savannah’s favorite foods is tacos and beans so that is what she wanted. Works for me. Tacos are cheap, quick, easy and can feed a crowd.

That’s about enough about the party. Tomorrow I will post about the games and all the fun.